The news of her death, Vankin reported, came in a phone call from her father. \u201cDe-De-Debbie, hi,\u201d she recounted him saying. \u201cListen: please DO NOT BE ALARMED by what I am about to send you!\u201d<\/p>\n
It was a lengthy obituary gone viral on the internet. \u201cDeborah Vankin, an esteemed journalist whose eloquent storytelling and insightful narratives illuminated the world around us, has passed away,\u201d the notice began. Among other things, Vankin reported, it described her as \u201cwielding her pen to unveil the city\u2019s pulsating heart,\u201d and extolled \u201cher kindness\u201d and \u201cwarmth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA blurry hodge-podge of bogus tributes,\u201d the author concluded.<\/p>\n
But it was also disturbing, she added, because the obituary assault comprised many print and video postings apparently acting as clickbait for various web sites. And, even more insultingly, she complained, it appeared to have been written by an artificial intelligence chatbot.<\/p>\n
\u201cOften,\u201d one very human expert told Vankin, \u201cthere\u2019s an action involved to get your information and eventually scam you. But the biggest thing is clicks and views. They want to grow their channel. Clicks lead to money.\u201d<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s when I had my brilliant idea. Why wait until I\u2019m dead? Why hang onto the slim chance that newspapers exist in the afterlife? Why not read my obit now?<\/p>\n
And so I did.<\/p>\n
Opening MS Copilot, the AI chat mode of my web browser, I offered explicit instructions. \u201cGive me an obituary for David Haldane,\u201d I ordered. And within an instant, there it was.<\/p>\n
\u201cDavid Haldane, the prolific writer and intrepid explorer of life\u2019s mysteries, has taken his final journey,\u201d the obituary began. Hmm, not quite on the level of \u201cesteemed journalist\u201d writing \u201celoquent\u201d and \u201cinsightful\u201d narratives, but what the heck, I\u2019ll go with it. \u201cBorn in the heart of the American counterculture,\u201d the narrative continued, \u201che danced to the rhythm of rebellion, penning tales of love, loss, and liberation. His words were like brushstrokes on the canvas of existence, capturing the hues of human experience.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, OK, I thought, that\u2019s more like it. Then it got to my years in the Philippines.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut it was the Philippines that truly claimed his heart,\u201d the obit gushed. \u201cDavid, with his salt-and-pepper beard and eyes that held both wonder and sorrow, settled on the archipelago\u2019s shores. There, he became an expatriate, a wanderer in the land of mango trees and jeepneys. His prose transformed, infused with the tropical heat, the laughter of children, and the scent of adobo\u2026His words were like sunsets over rice terraces, golden and fleeting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wow, I thought when I\u2019d finished reading, that guy sounds pretty good.<\/p>\n
Now that the blushing has worn off, however, I have two serious concerns. First, that exaggerated flattery will get you anywhere. And second, that this damn AI program writes better than I do.<\/p>\n
So, here\u2019s my plan. From now on, this column will be authored by Copilot, thus freeing me up for more important pursuits like lying on the beach and drinking beer. And, lastly, on that distant day when I finally succumb to heat stroke and liver cancer, please have it write my obit.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n FREE SUBSCRIPTION HERE<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n _______________________________________________<\/p>\n David Haldane is an award-winning American journalist, author, and broadcaster with homes in Joshua Tree, California, and Northern Mindanao, Philippines. His latest book, A Tooth in My Popsicle, is available on Amazon<\/a>. This column appears weekly in The Manila Times<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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