The elderly man had to be helped to the dance floor. Once there, though, the smile on his face glowed with radiance as he steadied himself in her arms. As they gently swayed to the strains of “Dance with My Father,” the emotional swell in my heart could not be stilled. And so I recognized once again a major reason I live in the Philippines.
My wife, Ivy, and I were attending her friend’s wedding in Tagaytay, a tony resort town just south of Manila. Our Swiss-styled resort, surrounded by fog-shrouded mountains, exuded the essence of a different time and place. But the wedding ceremony was pure Filipino, and therein lay its charm.
The dress code was specific: for principal sponsors like us, black coats or barongs for the men and long golden gowns for the women. For everyone else, strictly formal attire. That applied to the best man, maid of honor, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and all the secondary sponsors responsible, respectively, for the veil, the candles, and the cord. Add to that the bible bearer, ring bearer, coin bearer, flower girls and hordes of guests and you have the full Philippine marriage contingent.
It is both charming and intimidating. Intimidating because of the abundance of black ties and the fact that you may be called upon at any moment—as I was—to offer an impromptu speech. Charming because it’s all so formal, loving, and, well, traditional. Which is to say, serious.
Where I come from—specifically the wilds of Southern California—weddings, to the extent that they still happen at all, are taken with a grain of salt. That’s because, statistically, half of them aren’t likely to last. And because most of the guests have probably already been divorced once or twice.
In the Philippines it’s different. This is the world’s last country outside the Vatican that disallows divorce. So when you get married in the Philippines, well, you better take it seriously.
In the real world, of course, Filipino couples separate all the time. And it can be reasonably argued—and frequently is—that the lack of legal divorce here forces people, especially women, to remain trapped in unhappy and unhealthy relationships. And yet there is also something grudgingly admirable about a country that holds fast to the values of matrimony. That refuses to make it easy for families to unravel and disperse.
“I sensed a real difference in the Filipinas I encountered,” reads my 2015 memoir published several years after I married one of them. Though their culture encouraged and rewarded feminine strength, I wrote, it “also embraced traditional values in matters of marriage and family. These women, though strong, still inhabited a universe in which men occupied an important and unambiguous place.”
Which was very different from what I and scores of other Western men had experienced in post-feminist America. And so part of me rejoices upon hearing matrimonial vows that take seriously the “bonds” of marriage. Or smiles at a ceremony celebrating Holy union as a forever commitment instead of merely one that’s convenient.
That’s why seeing a bride dance with her father almost brought me to tears. And why watching someone carry the cord to “bind us as one” inspires my inner cheers.
Here’s what I wrote in a brand new book due out next week. “You haven’t really experienced a wedding until you’ve been to a Filipino one. What does it all mean? Simply that in a land where divorce is illegal, well, the damn wedding better impress.”
______________________________________________________________
David Haldane’s latest book, “A Tooth in My Popsicle and Other Ebullient Essays on Becoming Filipino” is scheduled for release on January 26. A former staff writer at the Los Angeles Times, where he contributed to two Pulitzer Prize-winning stories, Haldane is an award-winning author, journalist and radio broadcaster with homes in Joshua Tree, California, and Northern Mindanao, Philippines. This column appears weekly in the Mindanao Gold Star Daily.
17 Comments
You have brought up a very great points, thanks for the post.
2 of my favorite songs. Funny how guys who make such beautiful musicak harmonies fought so much.
I truly appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I added it to my bookmark site list and will
You’re so awesome! I don’t believe I have read a single thing like that before. So great to find someone with some original thoughts on this topic. Really.. thank you for starting this up. This website is something that is needed on the internet, someone with a little originality!
That is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and look ahead to looking for more of your excellent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog? My blog site is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would really benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Thank you!
Great wordpress blog here.. It’s hard to find quality writing like yours these days. I really appreciate people like you! take care
I like what you guys are up also. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my website 🙂
This was beautiful Admin. Thank you for your reflections.
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. In any case I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!
Normally I do not read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice post.
Very well presented. Every quote was awesome and thanks for sharing the content. Keep sharing and keep motivating others.
Keep working ,terrific job!
You must participate in a contest for among the finest blogs on the web. I’ll advocate this site!
Very well presented. Every quote was awesome and thanks for sharing the content. Keep sharing and keep motivating others.
Fantastic goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely great. I actually like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is actually a tremendous website.
Hi there to all, for the reason that I am genuinely keen of reading this website’s post to be updated on a regular basis. It carries pleasant stuff.