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High Heels

By David Haldane

July 5, 2018

In the end, it was a question of heels.

If she could just find a decent pair of high ones, Miss Caridad believed, she might have a shot at winning. So, Ivy, my sweet and generous wife, lent her a pair that we thought might fit the bill. And that’s how we ended up spending three hours last year rooting for the new Miss Gay Pilar.

When it was all over, our throats were sore from cheering.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me say at the outset that I am not a huge fan of gay rights. The libertarian in me, of course, believes that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is nobody’s business but their own. Yet I am still conservative enough to wince when, as happened recently in the U.S., a same-sex couple sues a baker for refusing to decorate their wedding cake. And when public-school districts in California require employees to refer to students by their preferred gender pronouns rather than the ones with which they were born, well, I practically throw a tantrum.

That said, it was with some eagerness and a great deal of curiosity that I attended last year’s annual Miss Gay Pilar Universe pageant on Siargao Island. Pilar is not a big town. But with each of its fifteen barangays represented by a separate male contestant decked out in full female beauty-queen regalia, well, the event took on a hugeness all its own.

For starters, it happened in a large community gymnasium before a standing-room-only crowd. Having never attended a gay beauty pageant, I had no expectations. But once the thing got started, I found myself in a fairly familiar territory; it was an almost blow-by-blow parody of the more famous Miss Universe pageant I’d been watching on TV for years.

For those less culturally endowed, let me quickly summarize; just as in the larger heterosexual event, Miss Gay Pilar Universe contestants were judged prancing about in evening gowns, bathing suits, and ethnic regional costumes. They were also asked to exhibit their talents and answer pointed personal questions. And, as in the more famous contest, their performances in all those categories were judged by a panel of local dignitaries including the town’s popular female mayor.

In fact, she’s an open lesbian fond of wearing fancy white barongs with slick black slacks at local weddings. And therein lay the evening’s most delicious irony; what I was watching, I realized with a smile, was a woman pretending to be a man judging a bunch of men pretending to be women.

But here’s the puzzling part; how does that happen in a predominantly Catholic country favoring traditional family values? It is truly a dilemma because, as everyone knows, Church dogma on the matter is quite clear; homosexual behavior of any stripe is considered a mortal sin. And yet in the Philippines, even in the smallest provincial town, it is not only tolerated but frequently celebrated. And the same people who claim to be good Catholics on Friday, apparently feel no contradiction in loudly rooting for their favorite gay Miss Universe contestant on Saturday night.

To some extent this happens everywhere; people of all religious stripes don’t always live in complete accordance with the beliefs they allegedly espouse. But there’s something particularly charming about the innocence and enthusiasm with which it happens in the Philippines. Perhaps it’s the absence of any accompanying debate regarding the behavior, the simple tendency to enjoy, without judgment, something seen primarily as entertainment. And, of course, as many have said, this is a culture imbued with a natural sense of acceptance and friendliness towards, not only strangers but the strange.

Ultimately, I think, the charm of the Miss Gay Pilar Universe pageant lies simply in its unlikelihood; that, like so many other things in this intriguing country, it’s a contradiction that logic can’t explain.

Miss Caridad didn’t win the gay Pilar fest of 2017, despite my wife’s truly stunning high heels. In truth, though, it didn’t matter; for me, it was the most enjoyable evening in years.

 

 

 

 

 

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A former Los Angeles Times staff writer and winner of a 2018 Golden Mike award in radio broadcast journalism, David Haldane fell in love with the Philippines on his first visit there in 2003. A few visits later, he also fell in love with the beautiful young Filipina to whom he is now married and, with whom, he has returned many times. David has written extensively about his experiences in the Philippines for several publications including Orange Coast and Islands Magazine. Today he and Ivy, along with their eight-year-old son, Isaac, divide their time between homes in Joshua Tree, California, and Surigao City, Philippines. His award-winning memoir, Nazis & Nudists, recounts, among other things, the courtship of Ivy and finding a place to call home. For David that turned out to be at the tip of a peninsula marking the gateway to Mindanao where he and Ivy are building their dream home next to a lighthouse overlooking the sea. This blog is the ongoing chronicle of that adventure.

 

 

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9 Comments

  1. John Reyes says:

    “Perhaps it’s the absence of any accompanying debate regarding the behavior, the simple tendency to enjoy, without judgment, something seen primarily as entertainment.”

    You nailed it right there, David. Filipinos are an easy-going bunch. They are basically unperturbed over silly things that the western world seems to get easily stressed about and expend so much energy and time on, like taking all the way to the Supreme Court a baker’s refusal to bake a cake for the same-gender couple. (Btw, the Supreme Court sided with the baker on that one).

    If that were in the Philippines, “bale wala yan” (no problem). As long as you pay me well, I’ll bake a cake for you and your chimpanzee mate. This is why I love Filipino culture. As I have said in a previous comment in another article, the allure of the Philippines for me rests on the tolerant Filipino culture, which is both timeless and irrevocable.

  2. LeRoy says:

    Interesting, I asked because I was confused when in our village in May,where the missing person was. I had seen this family in 2015 and then they had 4 boys and 4 girls.

    This time there were only 3 boys but seemingly 5 girls. One I didn’t recognize and asked where the missing boy was. They pointed to the extra female and said, “Ladyboy”. And that was the last on that subject.

    She was comfortable and I had no problems, so all went well. I was surprised at the acceptance in the rural village, but no one seemingly had a problem. I was happy that she was so accepted.

  3. Rob Ashley says:

    David: I nodded my head at much of what you wrote. Wotta world, eh? I particularly agree with the angst you expressed…
    “What consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is nobody’s business but their own. Yet I am still conservative enough to wince when, as happened recently in the U.S., a same-sex couple sues a baker for refusing to decorate their wedding cake. And when public-school districts in California require employees to refer to students by their preferred gender pronouns rather than the ones with which they were born, well.” When these issues enter the world of US lawsuits about wedding cakes and public school policy of “preferred gender pronouns” it is all a bunch of crap and perhaps the end of Western Civilization.
    All that aside. If I had been there, I definitely would have attended this event with the same interest and smiles with which you did. Whatever your sexual preference is, is fine with me. The world benefits by more people being able to find and have love and the only time I hate all this is when it is used as public policy and a way to extract money from others through litigation. Very entertaining piece David. Thank you. -Rob

  4. Mike R says:

    “And therein lay the evening’s most delicious irony; what I was watching, I realized with a smile, was a woman pretending to be a man judging a bunch of men pretending to be women.”

    Just brilliant! And my Filipina wife agreed.

    Perhaps just like halo-halo, Filipinos like life being presented in separate units and then to decide for themselves how much to mix it all together.

  5. Malcolm says:

    I have absolutely no problems with the LGBT community in the Philippines and it doesn’t seem that many Filipinos have either. Maybe the Church does but that is probably a case of following the party line. I’m quite happy to go along to my local barber and have the ‘bayud’ stylist tell me how nice my hair is and ask whether I ever had a boyfriend. Gays undoubtedly make the best party organisers and are the best MCs at any event. The best helper we ever had was Miriam, a lesbian who came along with her girlfriend. They were fantastic and my Wife was obviously comfortable with them around the house as they posed no threat or temptation to yours truly. We were very sad when Miriam headed off to the middle-east. With glowing recommendations I add.

    But I digress. What I wanted to tell you about was the time I was a judge on a Beauty Pageant in Banga, South Cotabato, in the early 1990s.

  6. mike says:

    I also attended one of these events in our province town. I was under the impression that at least some of the contestants were straight and the prizes were the incentive to compete. That took courage. (Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon would have been proud.)

  7. Cordillera Cowboy says:

    Hello David,

    ‘ And therein lay the evening’s most delicious irony; what I was watching, I realized with a smile, was a woman pretending to be a man judging a bunch of men pretending to be women.’

    I had to laugh at this part. And it reminded me of the irony of Rock Hudson, the closeted gay actor who made a larger than life career of playing straight leading men on screen.

    I’m of the same mind as you in the live and let live department. We have some cousins who live in the US. Three brothers. Two are he-man military veterans, and the third is a flamboyant queen. The gay brother told me that he has to be careful in the US, but in the Philippines, he is free to be himself.

    Take care,
    Pete